All the things you want to say only reveal themselves when you're

alone.

I return with regrets

after I wave goodbye, wondering why I kept so much from others even when there isn't much of an intention to (more of an instinct), and I actually do want to share.


Everytime -

I say the wrong things - wrong things being what's actually NOT on my mind, always saying the opposite accidentally, in a hurry to give a response. They're waiting for one, quick! A good one, quick!

I keep quiet in order to avoid the wrong words from coming out, resulting in tense atmosphere sometimes.

I sometimes feel awkward even with the ones I know, not knowing what to do when they try to establish a kind of contact - eye contact, friendly physical contact. What is an appropriate response?


--------------------------------

I just want to enjoy myself easily, the way everybody does it.

To fully enjoy myself, without a million things on my mind all the time.

It's not the people, not the company that's lacking, I like the company. It's the absence of the entire ME, the inability to immerse myself in a conversation or the company of others rather than my own world of thoughts that will never reveal itself to simply anybody anytime.

Only the strangest, most nonsensical ones without thought make an appearance - perhaps what people associate me with.